Raknikanth jokes Compete Collection

180 Rajnikant Jokes :
1. Rajnikant can make calls from his iPod to his iPad…!!!
2. Once Rajnikaant signed a cheque… and the Bank bounced!!!
3. Once Death had ‘near Rajnikant experience’ !!
 4. When GOD is shocked he exclaims “Oh my Rajnikaant!”‌
5. Great mystery solved : the missing piece of apple in Apple’s Logo was eaten by Rajnikant!!
6. The world is not ending in 2012…. Rajnikant just bought a laptop with 3 yrs warranty!!‌
7. Rajnikant knows the exact value of Pi upto a Googol
8. Rajnikant knows what came first, chicken or egg!!
9. Rajnikant once won an argument with his wife.
 10. There in nothing Rajini’Kant do.
11. Rajnikanths nxt project. Titanic in Tamil. Climax revised. Both survive. Rajnikant swims across the Atlantic Ocean with heroine in one hand and… Titanic in the other.
12. Neo was “the one” Rajinikant is “the only one”
13. Superman once got into a fight with Rajnikanth. The loser had to wear his underwear over his pants.
 14. Intel’s new caption – Rajnikant Inside.
15. Rajanikanth can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
16. Rajini doesn’t need water supply. Hydrogen and Oxygen merge at the sight of him and produce water whenever he wants.
17. All of the theories on Dinosaur Extinction are wrong. Rajnikant simply stomped his foot and they all died.
18. If Rajnikant gets into a car accident (yeah right) His car will need some airbags to protect it from him.
19. Contrary to popular belief, Rajnikant cannot fly. He just jumps and chooses when to come down.
20. Some magicans can walk on water, Rajnikant can swim through land.
21. If Rajnikant ever got caught for speeding, he’d let the cops off with a warning.
22. Rajnikant can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.
23. Rajnikant runs until the treadmill gets tired
24. Rajnikant irons his Pants with them still on.
25. Rajnikant can squeeze orange juice from a banana
26. In the back of the book of world records, it says “All records are held by Rajnikant. The ones listed are in second place.”
27. Rajnikant can tie his shoes with his feet.
28. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Rajnikant out. It failed miserably.
29. Basketball player: I can spin a ball on my finger for 2 hrs… can u..?? Rajnikanth: enna rascala… How do u think the earth spins…?? :) mind it!
30. In an wild argument, rajnikant showd a middle finger to his GF…n she gt pregnant !!!
31. 1000 yrs from now……..robots will make movie named “Rajanikant”
32. Paul The Octopus was asked to predict when would Rajnikant Die …………….. R.I.P PAUL !!!!
33. Rajnikanth once entered a race he came first, second and third.
34. Rajnikanth added facebook as his friend.
35. Once Rajnikant was caught on the highway for over speeding… while walking…
36. Rajnikant once wrote his autobiography. Today that book is known as “Guiness book of world RECORDS”.
37. Once Rajnikant taught a kid how to open a door without ringing d bell. Today that child is know as CID inspector DAYA.
38. Once Rajnikant mumbled some numbers in his sleep. Those numbers are today collectively known as the “LOG TABLE.
39. When Rajnikanth was a kid he made his mom eat her vegetables!
40. The oceans are filled with tears of Rajnikanths victims.
41. The Punjabi singer Pooja was at one time married but then Rajnikanth started to have a crush on her… and now she’s Miss Pooja.
42. The only reason ShahRukh Khan stuttered in the movie Darr is because he saw Rajnikanth behind Juhi Chawla!!
43. The movie Krrish is loosely based on Rajnikanth’s life.
44. Gandhi’s non violence movement REALLY pissed Rajnikanth off.
45. India actually didn’t have 50,000 crores for organizing the Commonwealth games… Rajnikanth gave it to them!
46. An email was sent from Pune to Mumbai … Rajnikant stopped it in Lonawala.
47. Rajnikant Bcom Accounting Answr Paper is Termed as ACCOUNTING STANDARDS
48. Once Rajnikant participated in Bike race. Don’t even try 2 guess wat happened. Rajnikant won d race on Neutral gear. Mind it anna..
49. Once Rajnikant lost his Wallet. Since then The World is Facing Recession
50. Rajnikanth once threw a coin in disgust at a black beggar, the beggar is now known as 50 Cent
51. Newton gave us just the three dumb laws of motion. Rajinikanth has already given us 33,945 laws of commotion and the count is far from completed.
52. Rajinikanth is a vegetarian. Meaning, he does not eat animals until first he puts them into vegetative state with his fists.
53. Raincoats were developed to prevent raindrops from getting electrocuted on coming within 100 metres of Rajinikant
54. Thousands of years ago Rajinikanth came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its descendents now have white hair.
55. The movie ‘300′ was initially planned to be made with Rajinikanth. It was originally named ‘1′
56. We face earthquakes only when Rajnikanth plays skipping.
57. Once Rajnikanth was on Hot Seat of KBC and Computer needed Lifeline to Choose the question.
58. Once Rajni was having sex in a Fiat . A sperm escaped and entered the engine of the car …that car is now called Ferrari.
59. If Rajinikanth’s PC hangs, its time for the next Windows release by Microsoft.
60. Rajnikanth gargles with Frag Grenads.
61. There used to be a street named after Rajnikanth, but it was changed because nobody crosses Rajnikanth and lives.
62. Rajnikanth was supposed to play the lead role in Mission: Impossible. He was replaced by Tom Cruise because the tittle wouldn’t make any sense.
63. Rajnikanth can run you over with a parked car.
64. Rajnikanth can whistle in five different languages, including sign language
65. Rajnikanth can sneeze with his eyes open.
66. Once, Rajnikanth told Nike to ‘just do it…’ and it did.
67. If 12/21/2012 is the end of the world, it means that Rajnikanth got bored with humanity
68. A new Nostradamus prophecy has been uncovered. Armageddon & Rajnikanth are one and the same.
69. Lifetime Warranties do not exist because of Rajnikanth.
70. Rajnikanth doesn’t have bad days. Bad days have Rajnikanth
71. Rajnikanth has nicknames for his feet… Hiroshima and Nagaski.
72. When Rajnikanth was born, the only person crying was the doctor. You NEVER slap Rajnikanth
73. Rajnikanth puts his pants on two legs at a time.
74. Rajnikanth CAN read Lady Gaga’s poker face.
75. Two ghosts were talking.. One consoled other “Don’t fear brother.. there is nothing like Rajnikant”
76. Once Bill Gates went to Rajnikant. For what? To ask for DVD of Windows 8.
77. No one can wish a happy birthday to Rajjnikanth cause he was here before time existed
78. i have got so many rajnikanth jokes on my mobile phone……..dat i dont require a charger now:)
79. Rajnikant got admission in medical profession. And gave viva exam. In the end he asked the examiner to come back after preparation.
80. Rajnikant’s daughter lost her virginity. Rajnikant found it and gave it back to her !!
81. Rajnikant was born on 30th february.. Since then february decided not to give this date to anyone else..!! Mind it..
82. If ever you want to pinch Rajnikant,The best thing you can do is launch a missile at him.
83. Once Rajnikant and a small girl were playing cards. Rajni loses the game inspite having 3 ACES. Why?? Because The girl had 3 RAJNIKANTS…!!!
84. Well, this one will be understood well by medical persons. Once acute renal failure patient comes to RAJNIKANT. After getting bored of his complaints, RAJNIKANT just says ‘sssshhhuu’ and kidney starts functioning
85. Rajni in Tamil remake of Aamir’s Ghulam. Rajni runs on railway track, the train is now at a distance of 1 mtr. Now what? Obviously… The train jumps off the track.
86. Even gajani remembers rajni.
87. This year’s RAJNIKANT award goes to …… Oscar
88. Graham Bell ne lamppost ke neeche padhai ki.. Rabindranath Tagore ne laalten mein padhai ki. Einstein ne doosre logo ki khidki se aati thodi si roshni mein padhai ki. Aur Rajnikanth ne Agarbatti mein :)
89. Grammatical thinking:Those think in universe in one we start with THE. like THE sun. so not call rajni call THE rajnikant
90. Why Osama isn’t caught? Well!! Rajnikanth isn’t interested.
91. Even wildest of animals get goosebumps at the sight of Rajnikanth. Porcupines find him even scary.
92. Once Rajnikant participated in 100 meter running race. Don’t even try 2 guess wat happened. Rajnikant won the race. Seeing this Einstein committed suicide . do U know why. Coz light came third, but who came 2nd Rajnikant’s shadow.
93. One day Rajnikanth bunked school, now its known as Sunday.
94. The newly got symbol for the rupee is actually Rajnikhant’s signature.
95. Rajnikanth cannot work in a BPO (Business Process Outsourcing) Why??? because he himself is a process.
96. My laptop is now totally safe from trojans and virus… I just installed RAJNIKANTH Antivirus in my system !!
97. Gf: Mera koi picha karte rehta hai…
Rajni: ok..
Nxt day…
Gf: Hey… where the hell is My Shadow????
98. When rajnikanth dies, the grave doesnt read RIP, it reads ‘BRB’
99. Rajanikanth can delete the Recycling Bin.
100. Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Rajanikanth’s PC will crash.
101. Rajnikant’s email id is [email protected]
102. If you Google search ‘Rajnikant getting kicked’, you will generate zero results. It just doesn’t happen.
103. Google won’t find Rajinikanth because you don’t find Rajinikanth; Rajinikanth finds you.
104. Rajinikanth can make PCs better than the Mac.
105. If you spell Rajanikanth wrong on Google it doesn’t say, “Did you mean Rajanikanth?” It simply replies, “Run while you still have the chance.”
106. The only man who ever outsmarted Rajinikanth was Stephen Hawking, and he got what he deserved.
107. Rajnikant has counted to infinity-twice.
108. When Rajnikant does pushups, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the earth down.
109. Rajnikant doesn’t wear a watch, he decides what time it is!!
110. Rajnikant’s house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
111. The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Rajnikant kicked one of the corners off.
112. Rajnikant once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills, they just made him blink.
113. Rajnikant’s every step is a mini whirlwind. Hurricane Katrina was the result of his morning jog!
114. Where there is a will, there’s a way. Where there is Rajnikant, there is no other way!!
115. There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Rajnikant lives in Chennai!
116. Rajanikanth can build a snowman…. out of rain.
117. Rajanikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.
118. Rajanikanth can drown a fish.
119. Rajanikanth can play the violin….on a piano.
120. When Rajanikanth enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on ….he turns the dark off.
121. Rajanikanth once had a heart attack…. his heart lost.
122. Rajanikanth makes onions cry.
123. It takes Rajnikant 20 minutes to watch 60 minutes .
124. The only things that run faster and longer than Rajnikant are his films.
125. Ghosts are actually caused by Rajanikanth killing people faster than Death can process them.
126. When Rajanikanth looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Rajanikanth and Rajanikanth.
127. Rajnikant gave Mona Lisa that smile.
128. Rajanikanth does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
129. Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Rajnikant.
130. Rajnikant is so fast. He can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
131. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Rajanikanth and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
132. Rajanikanth’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajanikanth.
133. Once a cobra bit Rajanikanth’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
134. When Rajanikanth gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
135. Rajanikanth can kill two stones with one bird.
136. Rajanikanth was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
137. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Rajanikanth can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.
138. There is no such thing as global warming. Rajanikanth was cold, so he turned the sun up.
139. Rajanikanth can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
140. Rajanikanth has a deep and abiding respect for human life… unless it gets in his way.
141. Rajanikanth once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
142. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajanikanth could use to kill you, including the room itself.
143. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Rajanikanth.
144. Rajanikanth destroyed the periodic table, because Rajanikanth only recognizes the element of surprise.
145. Rajanikanth got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.
146. With the rising cost of gasoline, Rajanikanth is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
147. The square root of Rajanikanth is pain. Do not try to square Rajanikanth, the result is death.
148. When you say “no one’s perfect”, Rajanikanth takes this as a personal insult.
149. Rajinikanth once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are today called giraffes.
150. Rajinikanth killed the Dead Sea.
151. When Rajinikanth does push-ups, he isn’t lifting himself up. He is pushing the earth down.
152. There is no such thing as evolution, it’s just a list of creatures that Rajinikanth allowed to live.
153. Rajnikanth can divide by zero.
154. Rajinikanth can win at Solitaire with only 18 cards.
155. Rajinikanth did in fact, build Rome in a day.
155. Rajinikanth never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself in fear.
156. Rajinikanth doesn’t breathe. Air hides in his lungs for protection.
157. Words like awesomeness, brilliance, legendary etc. were added to the dictionary in the year 1949. That was the year Rajinikanth was born.
158. Rajinikanth does not own a stove, oven, or microwave, because revenge is a dish best served cold.
159. Rajinikanth has already been to Mars, that’s why there are no signs of life there.
160. Rajinikanth doesn’t move at the speed of light. Light moves at the speed of Rajinikanth.
161. Rajinikanth knows Victoria’s secret.
162. Water boils faster when Rajinikanth stares at it.
163. Rajinikanth got small pox when he was a kid. As a result small pox is now eradicated.
164. Rajinikanth leaves messages before the beep.
165. The last time Rajinikanth killed someone, he slapped himself to do it. The other guy just disintegrated. Resonance.
166. Rajinikanth can answer a missed call.
167. Rajinikanth doesn’t need a visa to travel abroad, he just jumps from the tallest building in Chennai and holds himself in the air while the earth rotates.
168. Rajinikanth’s brain works faster than Chacha Chaudhury’s.
169. Rajinikanth doesn’t shower. He only takes blood baths.
170. Rajinikant can give pain to Painkillers and headache to Anacin.
171. Rajinikanth knows what women really want.
172. Time and tide wait for Rajinikanth.
173. Rajinikanth sneezed only once in his entire life, that’s when the tsunami occurred in the Indian ocean.
174. As a child when Rajinikanth had dyslexia, he simply re-scripted the alphabet.
175. The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Rajinikanth’s fist.
176. Rajinikanth puts the ‘laughter’ in manslaughter.
177. Rajinikanth goes to court and sentences the judge.
178. Rajinikanth is a champion in the game “Hide n’ seek”, as no one can hide from Rajinikanth.
179. Rajinikant proves Newton wrong all the time. Every time he performs an action, he simply eliminates anything and everything that can provide the reaction.
180. Rajinikant is a weapon created by God to use on doomsday to end the world.
181. Aliens do indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Rajinikanth is on.
182. We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Rajinikanth.
183. If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Rajinikanth.
184. When Rajinikanth plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
185. Rajinikanth is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

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